


love it if we made it

by Enochianess



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Experimental Style, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 22:21:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18157790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enochianess/pseuds/Enochianess
Summary: Eliott isn't okay right now





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the most experimental thing I've ever written.
> 
> I guess... it's just using formatting to demonstrate the inside of a mentally ill mind. Or at least, the inside of my mind when I think back on episodes, so maybe also where Eliott is at right now.
> 
> Let me know if you want me to continue it in the comments please!

i t  g o e s  l i k e  t h i s

Once there was a boy called Eliott. He was a pretty boy, a smart boy, a creative boy. He had a million and one ideas and he knew how to charm all the girls and boys on the playground, easy peasy lemon squeezy.

A descent into mental illness can be very s l o w or horrendously quick.

Eliott doesn't remember what his first

d

e

s

c

e

n

t

was like. All he knows is that sometimes he will be okay one second, but then he will be high as a fucking kite or suicidally depressed the next. Other times, however, it builds, simmers quietly, just grows and grows and grows until a fucking e x p l o s i o n. 

What does one do, now, when one goes on a hiii

                                                                          iiiiigh

                           in front of one's boyfriend??

What is Eliott supposed to do?

i t  g o e s  l i k e  t h i s

A few days ago, a boy called Eliott went a little... craaaaaazy. Well, not cra-a-azy, to be exact. That's an awful term. No, a boy called Eliott lost his head a little because he stopped taking his medication and now his boyfriend Lucas, precious Lucas, is somewhere out there messaging Eliott to leave him alone.

STOP. STOP. STOP.

_I'd love it if we made it. Yes, I'd love it if we made it._  

Now, Eliott -- moi -- is  s p i r a l l i n g  pretty badly. I'm spiralling. Spiralling pretty fucking badly.

_We're just left to decay. Modernity has failed us._

Perhaps sitting in the darkness of his bedroom with The 1975 blasting until his eardrums feel like they could bleed was a bad idea, but it drowns out the thoughts... not nearly enough.

i t  g o e s  l i k e  t h i s 

 

Sometimes there are artists and sometimes those artists capture things and in this particular instance this artist has captured exactly how Eliott is feeling and it's liberating and numbing all at the same time.

What is the point in this? What is the point in any of this?

It is the 

d

e

s

c

e

n

t

my dear friend. 

Welcome to the world of horrors. The real world. The world I live in.

Want a turn on the carousel? I didn't think so.

This ride -- not a fun one. Get off. GET off. GET OFF. I WANT TO  G E T  O F F.

i t  g o e s  l i k e  t h i s

Eliott was doing well. He was doing brilliantly. All the stars were shining just for him and things were fabulous. He was in love. He was. He still is.

What to do now...

Oh, _I'd love it if we made it._


	2. Chapter 2

**bipolar disorder**

_noun_

PSYCHIATRY

  1. a mental condition marked by alternating periods of elation and depression.




 

It looks so simple, typed out like that, but it's not and it's not and it's not. Eliott wishes that it was. If only... maybe, perhaps, MAYHAPS, in another universe. 

i t  g o e s  l i k e  t h i s

Eliott took his boyfriend on a boat and it was going to be beautiful and romantic and time would stop because it would see how in love the two of them were and how they deserved to have forever.

Forever... forever... foreverrrrr

It never last. Of course it never lasts. Eliott doesn't deserve it to last.

He  doesn't  deserve  it.

 

Sometimes, Eliott writes. When he writes, it's... therapeutic, for as much as it fucking terrifies him to read back:

 

 **S U F** **F** **O C A T** **E  M** **E  K I N D L Y**  

 **B R E A T H** **E  P** **O I S O N  I N T O  M Y  L U N G S**  

 **J E S U** **S  H** **E L P  M E**  

 **I** **F  T** **H E  M O N S T E R S  A R E  N O T  R E A L**  

 **T H E** **N  H** **O W  D O  I  K N O W  I F  I  A M  R E A L  M Y S E L F**  

 **I  D** **O N ' T** **T** **H I N K  I  A M  H E R E  A T  A L** **L**  

 **M A Y B** **E  N** **E I T H E R  A R E  Y O U**  

 

 ~~M u s t     t r y     h a r d e r~~     he writes on the inside of his left ring finger, for practically no reason. Always, though. Always, one must try harder. Especially Eliott. Always, Eliott.

i t  g o e s  l i k e  t h i s

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, please leave kudos and/or comments!
> 
> Come find me @MaxenceSource on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/maxencesource/), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MaxenceSource) and [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-_99lS6mcwLDwbXqALgenw)
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr [here](https://www.enochianess.tumblr.com)


End file.
